Holding space for the Dichotomy

Well hello, there. Long time no see.

It’s been a moment, hasn’t it? When last we spoke, this was just a seed in the ground. I had been watering it, so unsure of what would grow. It reminds me of a scene from one of my absolute favorite childhood movies, Totoro. Two young girls receive a leaf satchel of “magic nuts and seeds” and they plant them, not knowing what awaits them. With a little help from a forest spirit, it grows into the most beautiful tree before they can believe what has happened.

I feel as though I’ve had a little help from my own guides and my own magic. I’ve had a few growth spurts, a few adventures, and sometimes it’s hard to believe my own progress until I can see the evidence right in front of me.

My capacity to hold amazing and beautiful things all at the same time has certainly grown. My capacity to transmute any adventure or bump into a new beauty that didn’t exist before has also certainly grown. In going through my archives of all of the art that has been created since last we connected surprised even myself. Almost a miniature one-human Renaissance has occurred with these pencils and paints.

One of the beautiful plants I’ve been growing is a partnership with a local organization called Twin Cities Pagan Pride. While I wouldn’t classify myself as a Pagan, there are so many things this community and I have in common. We both seek peace of mind and stillness in the same ways, find incredible resonance with nature, and dare to be colorful splotches walking through this human experience. They have been so warm and welcoming and I always seek opportunities to be a part of their events.

The theme for this past year’s March event, titled Paganicon, had me brainstorming for quite a while - Crossroads. It seemed almost too perfect. To show the combination of holding space for the joy of life, and yet walking boldly into the fire as needed. Persephone seemed like the obvious choice, but I wanted to show all of what she was with no greater value placed on either of the paths she walks.

The process was also so full of opposites all at once. It was by far the longest I have ever worked on any painting - and so much of it was working, and reworking, and reworking again. It pushed the boundaries of what I was even capable with acrylic, where I had a very clear image of what I wanted and could not communicate with the paint what I would like. And for the first time in a long time, it was a painting that was not my new favorite as it reached its completion.

So imagine my surprise when I walked into the final day of Paganicon to see it had won Best In Show.

So let this be a lesson to myself of what I seek and attract. Joy is a beautiful thing to grow in my garden, and yet it does not have to be my North Star. Discomfort can make for a wonderful compass and a temporary home; there is so many lessons and so much learning by allowing yourself to walk through it. And truly, if you have not realized what it was you have gained from the journey, it means it’s not over just yet.

Pretty fitting lessons from a piece titled Dichotomy.